I can hear the tremble of her voice as her little lip quivers and she says, “Mommy, are you so really mad?”
My daughter’s quiet, little voice—completely out of character for her boisterous existence—caught me so off guard that I paused and just stared at her for a brief moment. “No sweetheart, of course not, I was done with that and it was empty anyway so there’s no mess, let’s just pick up the pieces.”
Somewhere between trying to figure out how to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, and the perfect person, I’ve gotten a little sidetracked. I’ve focused too much on the little things that don’t matter and consequently, missing out on the things that do. The truth is, I’m just tired. I love my kids, I love my life, I love being a stat-at-home mom; but y’all… parenthood is not for the faint of heart. Lately I feel like I’ve been taking two steps forward one step back in the motherhood department. For every day I feel like I’m rocking it, there’s another one where I’m discouraged by all the ways I’m failing. All the big plans and grand designs I’d had fall short from reality. There are far too many days where my voice is raised and my temper is short. Far too many days where I say no many more times than I say yes. Far too many days where I am a passive observer rather than an active participant in my children’s lives.
At the end of the day, I hope my kids know I’m here for them. I hope they know that my love for them is unconditional and never-ending. I want them to know that they live in a house where it’s okay to make mistakes and messes, because heaven knows I do. I want them to know that I’m a work in progress, and if they help me we can figure out this whole parent/child relationship thing together.
As I’ve mentioned before, no one is perfect, least of all me. There was only one such person who ever lived, and it is because of Him that we are enough. It is because of Him that my imperfections as a mother will one day be made perfect. It is because of Him that I will get to be the mother of my children forever and all eternity.
