You can always feel free to email me at justine@littledoveblog.com
This was the longest we’ve ever waited to share our joy with others, and there were a few reasons for that. One of the biggest ones was that when I took my positive pregnancy test (on the morning of New Year’s Eve!), I really had no clue how far along I was. I was still nursing my youngest several times a day and I tend not to get a cycle when I’m nursing. I hadn’t been tracking anything, so our best guess was that I was somewhere around 4-6 weeks along. By the time I was able to get an ultrasound appointment at the beginning of February to estimate gestational age, I was already 13 weeks, 2 days. So yeah, we had been way off. At least all my back pain and complete exhaustion for the past couple months was explainable though. 🙂
We told our parents around 15 weeks, and then we wanted to wait just a little longer to tell siblings and grandparents. My doctor had told me that although I was in great health, and I hadn’t had problems with my previous pregnancies, there were still increased risks with having babies so closer together (18 months or closer), such as higher miscarriage rate and higher risk of preterm labor. So we waited until I’d had my next doctor’s appointment and I got to hear that wonderful whoosh-whoosh sound of the heartbeat again to confirm that, at least for now, everything was well.
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| We felt shocked to see how big the baby already was at the first ultrasound. |
Another reason why I wanted to keep putting it off, was because I was nervous to share our newest blessing with others. Not because we weren’t excited, but because I was going to have four babies while others have none.
I feel so incredibly blessed that my loving Heavenly Father has given us the opportunity to be parents again.
I feel so blessed that we’ve been able to get pregnant relatively easily and that my pregnancies (so far, for the most part) have gone smoothly.
I feel blessed that all my babies so far are healthy and have been born at full term (My first two were born at 38 weeks and 38 weeks, 2 days. According to the “new” guidelines as of Fall 2013, they would now be considered early term.)
I don’t know why we’ve been so blessed thus far in these ways.
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| Our first picture as a family of five last February. |
I don’t know why some couples struggle for years before they’re blessed with a child.
I don’t know why some women endure multiple miscarriages, wreaking havoc on their bodies and their emotions.
I don’t know why some couples get to experience pregnancy and delivery of a child to call their own, while other couples get to choose a child through adoption.
I don’t know why some couples must spend a small fortune to be able to conceive children, or worse yet, have their hopes and bank accounts drained time and time again fruitlessly.
I don’t know why some women have such a sincere desire to be mothers but their prayers seem to go unanswered.
I don’t know why some babies are born into families where they are unwanted and unloved, where they’re not given the adoration that their sweet spirits deserve.
I don’t know why, and I am not a person that believes that everything happens for a reason.
But I do know that we each have a loving Heavenly Father who knows ours struggles and knows the desires of our hearts.
I know that we have an elder brother, Jesus Christ, who suffered all the physical and emotional pains of every person who has ever lived or will ever live on this earth.
I know that we are not alone.
I know that you are not alone. You are known, you are loved, you are valued.
So our family is rejoicing in this newest little spirit we’ve been entrusted with. I am in awe with this opportunity we’ve been given, and I do not take it lightly. Whether you have one child, or eight, being a parent is a great responsibility and blessing.
Is there a part of me that wonders how I’ll ever go out with all four kids in tow? Sure; but I thought that after my second and third child as well. Now I can run errands with the whole gang with minimal tears (on my part).
Do I yearn for peace and quiet and just an hour to myself, or to be able to enjoy a meal without getting interrupted 10 times? Oh yeah; that’s why I wait until both little girls are napping and plop my son in front of the tv so I can eat a peaceful lunch everyday. At like 2:00 pm.
Is sleep something I have too little of and do I begrudge my husband for the fact that he’s deeper, sounder sleeper than I am? Absolutely, but I also know the day will come when I miss hearing the pitter-patter of little feet coming into our room or children crying for us in the night.
Probably.
Eh… maybe. 😉
So when I’m out and about with my little crew and people give me the infamous, “Wow, you have your hands full”, I like to respond with a smile and something along the lines of, “Yeah, we have a lot of fun!” Or, “Maybe, but I feel so blessed!”
44 Responses to monday musings #2: how I really feel about baby #4
This is such an inspiring post! My husband and I want a large family, and also often question why we are so lucky to have a healthy baby when we know so many people who have lost or have a child with an illness. You are right, God knows and he loves us, and it gives me peace to know that He provides even in hard times!
Lots of love,
Katie
http://www.thefreerangemama.com
I love this so much!! I know it's such a sensitive subject, and I sometimes forget to be careful. I run my sarcasm and forget how hard it is when seeing all those fb posts of "we're expecting!" And the beautiful baby photos floating around and I remember the pain in my heart for the first few months of trying and getting negative after negative test. I always always have said I want my kids close in age and now that elliott is 9 months I worry is it too soon? What if I get pregnant right away, yikes my patience! But even worse what if I don't???? What if it takes years. I'm scared.
But I have to believe there is a reason and timing for everything and somehow everything that is meant to be will be.
I love big families and are so envious of you and your little beauties!
Congratulations on your little babe! I have yet to experience such heart break with losing a baby, or that of having more than one child. But the one experience with birth has changed my life forever! Having a innocent little being relying on you for everything really makes every decision so important! Looking forward to hearing more about your pregnancy 🙂
Yes lol running errands with 4 kids is certainly not easy but does get easier. Congrats on #4 🙂
congratulations! That is so exciting to be adding to your family! I understand the feelings of wondering why. When we found out we were unexpectedly expecting our third (when my second was only 8 months old) I held off on telling people because I know three couples who are desperately wanting a baby. One even cried when I told her we were pregnant again. We stopped at three, my kids are now 7,5 and 3. They are all things chaos, noise, exhausting and wonderful. I get comments all the time on having my hands full. Or just stares. My boy's are only 17 months apart and they are so close. All of my kids are and I adore it. You seem to have a wonderful family, and this is so exciting that you wil be adding to it!
Congratulations! My husband and I are struggling to have our second child and I pray that we are blessed with another.
So glad you're speaking such beautiful words from the heart. Your family is very blessed and you definitely should be celebrating! So happy for y'all! We were kind of the same way when it came to sharing about Stella. We didn't go public until we knew she was a girl at about 19 weeks.
What a lovely post. I think it's really thoughtful of you to consider those struggling with infertility. I always knew that I could get pregnant without a period while breastfeeding, but never really considered it so far it's never happened. We aren't making any officially announcements for a while, but let's just say I am right behind you 😉 And I did enter the giveaway today!
Thanks so much for your testimony Katie! And thanks for linking up, so much appreciated!
Oh Holly, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. It is always hard to remember that the Lord's timing is not our own. Before getting pregnant with my first I kept Proverbs 3:5 in my head at all times: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding."
Thanks for your sweet comments Bethany! And thank you so much for linking up!
Yes, I have often wondered why I've been blessed like this, especially since I definitely do not feel like I am any more capable, patient, or deserving of a mother than others, if anything, the opposite! As joyful of news as babies are, it is always hard to tell those that you know will take it hard because of their own struggles.
Thanks for your comment and for linking up Emily!
Thank you for stopping by and leaving your kind comment Amanda! I am praying for you as well! Lots of love is being sent your way!
I love the name Stella. 🙂 Honestly, I kind of wanted to wait a little longer to tell people, but didn't really think I could 'hide" it anymore. We were just so happy and excited (and slightly shell-shocked) and I knew that once we "went public" it would be somewhat bittersweet because of how I knew certain people would likely feel about it. As much as we are celebrating this little life, we still feel a little sadness knowing that we might have brought a moment of sadness to others.
One of the first things the nurse said to me at my first prenatal appointment (which I showed up at with my 1 year old child in tow) was, "did someone tell you you couldn't get pregnant while breastfeeding?" She said it in a joking way, but I was still a little taken aback. All I said was, "no, I know you can" and left it at that. 🙂 And 'm so happy for you Natalie, and thanks for entering the giveaway!
Thanks Megan! Yes, it's always a physical and mental workout taking them all out to run errands! 🙂
I love this post. All the heart eyed emojis for you. I also love how you refer to the baby as a little spirit as you did on my post when I talked about my miscarriage. Calling the baby a little spirit gave me peace. Thank you for that. You are one blessed mama! <3
Congrats on #4! You've got a great go-with-the-flow approach to parenting, which I think is probably the #1 most important parenting skill to have. Praying that everything goes smoothly during this pregnancy. It must be so stressful to hear your doctor talking about higher risks.
Congratulations on #4! How exciting!
Beautiful thoughts! I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't know everything, but I know that Heavenly Father has an individual plan or each one of us. Thanks for sharing your story. And congrats on Baby #4!
Thank you Nina. Once you have more than two, I kind of feel like you have to be more laid-back, it's a matter of survival. 🙂
Thank you for your kind words Jen. 🙂 So glad we've gotten to know each other a bit!
Thank you so much! We are very excited, but the time seems to be going by too fast for once!
Thanks for your testimony of our Heavenly Father Kailei. And congrats to your new addition as well!
We're just now planning on baby number two and I feel overwhelmed so I am way impressed your working on baby number four! Makes us mommas of less kids inspired to do better!
I read a really great article once (wish I could remember where) about how all of use can handle the number of kids we have at that time, we just learn to adjust with each kid. Of course, she said it much more eloquently, but I loved it. 🙂
Congratulations! Beautiful Post. There are so many things that come with being a mom … less sleep, little time etc. do we want more of those things sure but would we trade them for those sweet moments with our babies HECK NO!
Congratulations! We've had our share of miscarriages but I'm just believing that it wasn't our time to have #2. If we had another baby, my husband wouldn't be getting his dream job right now. My mom had four children and we had a blast growing up. I'm so excited for you!
This is such a sweet and beautiful post. Thank you for being so open! <3
I'm one of these women who are struggling with infertility and miscarriage. Everyday I ask me the same questions as you… Why is it so hard for me and my husband becoming parents? Why are we spending our money and are we losing hour hopes every time? I don't have the answer to those questions and I'm trying to forget all of them. This is something we just need to live and we are getting better persons and stronger couple. Sorry if there are mistakes, I'm still improving my English skills. Congratulations for your nice and big family! =)
Congratulations! I love how you announced baby girls gender! This is a really sensitive and caring post. My mother had a miscarriage before me and struggled with fertility to have me. I remember her telling me how bittersweet it was when friends were announcing they were expecting and every month she still wasn't.
Congrats on your pregnacy!!! You my dear are brave. I could never handle more than 2. Thank god I only have two. lol
First of all, congrats on your baby!! Secondly, I simply adore the honesty and beauty of this post. These things are always hard to share and you pulled it off beautifully. Many blessings to you on a healthy pregnancy and birth!
I really love the hopefulness of this post. You have such a beautiful and honest writing style! Also, I LOVE how you used the word "get" when you were talking about some couples getting to experience pregnancy and others getting to adopt. Many people will say things like "some couples get to experience pregnancy, while others HAVE to adopt". It breaks my heart because adoption is not a second choice for everyone. My husband and I have been very open about our desire and plan to adopt children whether God chooses to bless us with pregnancy or not. It is not a second choice or fallback option to us. I am so glad that you chose to word it the way that you did! Thanks for sharing this beautiful post and congrats on the new little one that God has given you!!
{www.maybemeghan.com}
Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments Nesa. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you so much Courtney! 🙂
I totally agree Meghan, being able to adopt a child is also a great blessing, not only for the couple, but especially for the child. my husband and I have talked about fostering or adopting someday and we hope we're able to.
You're amazing mama! God never gives us anything we can't handle, he has a plan for everything and is with all of you every step of this 🙂
Wow..made me cry. I'm so happy for you 🙂
http://inspirationindulgence.com
As one of those women who has lost babies and craves a healthy pregnancy, I thank you, Justine, for being so incredibly sensitive and understanding. Thus is one pregnancy-related post that I can stand to read through to the end AND share. God bless you.
Wow, thank you so much for your sweet, supportive words Shaylee Ann. It means so much to me that you stopped by and it left a positive impression on you. Prayers and hugs to you and your hubby.
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