I remember when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with baby number two. My son was almost two years old and I was starting to get nervous. In my overly emotional and hormonal state I was sure that I could never love another child as much as I loved my first born. I was also thoroughly convinced that I was somehow ruining him by giving him a sibling when he was still so young. After all, he was barely getting the opportunity to be the baby of the family and here I was bringing another child into the mix. Surely we would be dealing with an extreme case of sibling rivalry for years to come. This sibling bonding post is in collaboration with the wonderful folks at DockATot, of which I’m an affiliate. As always, all opinions are my own.
So of course I did what any overly anxious third trimester momma would do–I took to the Internet. By the end of my research I felt even more overwhelmed. I became more and more unsure about our decision to have another “so soon”. Along the way I had picked up about 47 tips for helping your older child adjust to a new baby. I thought I had to do it all or else the relationship of my children would be forever doomed. It was obvious I needed to buy my son a gift “from the baby”. I needed to make sure I did everything in my power to divide my time evenly right down the middle so neither one got a second more time than the other. It was all just too much for me.
how we prepared for baby number two
In the end, I bought my son a coloring book and some markers (mostly so he’d have something to do when Mike brought him to the hospital) and hoped for the best. We bought a special baby doll so he could practice soft touches and the proper hold. I was especially nervous that little sister would make her appearance on her big brother’s birthday. And, oy vey–constant contractions all day seemed to support this fear. However, she held off for one more day. When the time finally came for my son to meet his sister it was so different than I had thought.
He was sweet and soft with her, totally fascinated by this tiny human that we laid in his lap. Not only did his gifts lay forgotten until days later, but he couldn’t get enough of his brand new sister. He held her hand on the car ride home from the hospital. And I never had to worry about the two of them being in the same room together. The jealously that I had worried about so much in those last weeks of pregnancy never showed up. I saw that sibling bonding just kind of… happened.
After that I definitely relaxed a bit…
With each subsequent child Mike and I have just acted like it was the most normal thing to have a younger sibling. We don’t buy “baby gifts” because my kids think their present is their new sibling.
| in defense of large families |
So take this with a grain of salt. After all, this is only my experience. But if you’re worried about your children bonding, or the eventuality of sibling rivalry or jealously, don’t be. It will all work out. Are my kids best friends? Eh. Do they argue like cats and dogs sometimes? Absolutely. But they do love each other fiercely. They argue over who gets to hold the baby or who gets to snuggle with whom. Flare ups of jealousy are fleeting and they have each others backs more often than not.
If you’re still worried though here are some things that we try to do with our own kids. None of them are hard or overwhelming and they’re probably mostly things you do anyway if you have more than one child.
tips to encourage sibling bonding
- Purchase some children’s books about siblings and read them with your child. Some great ones are Big Brother Daniel (Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood) and The New Baby (by Mercer Mayer).
- Get your child a baby doll that is only to be held under adult supervision. This doll is not meant to be seen as a toy. It is an excellent way to teach children about being “soft” and careful with their new sibling.
- Once your kids are a little older try to spend one on one time with them. Whether it’s time outside while their sibling is napping or a special date with mom or dad.
- Have them “help” their new sister or brother. Little ones can draw them artwork to hang above their cribs or fetch diaper changing supplies when they’re needed.
- Let them hold their baby siblings. Although you should always supervise and be cautious, don’t act as though they’ll break them with the slightest touch, babies are a lot tougher than you think they are.
- Help create special moments for them to share; whether it’s a special bed time story where everyone is snuggled together, or matching stuffed animals.
why we love DockATot
My two littlest girls have been sharing some special moments together with our DockATots lately. You might remember my posting about our DockATot Deluxe+ earlier this year. We have loved using it these past 9 months, but somehow baby girl has grown out of it! How did that happen so quickly?! We were able to upgrade to the DockATot Grand which is for children age 9-36 months which makes her a happy little girl, but also makes big sister happy when she steals it for some snuggle time–I mean borrows it, of course.
| how to get your baby to sleep through the night |
If you’re not familiar with DockATots they’re great for lounging, tummy time, co-sleeping (if you do that), and best of all they’re incredibly portable which makes them a breeze to travel with! We have loved ours and I wish that I’d had one from day one with my first baby.
How did you help your child adjust to a new baby in the house? I’d love to hear!
If you found this post helpful at all a pin or share on social media would be much appreciated!
