Here in California we went under Shelter-in-Place orders on March 20, 2020. Which means we’re now coming up on the one year anniversary of “2 weeks to flatten the curve”. I sat down the other day (read–a few months ago) to try and write out an Instagram post about how I was feeling about all the events of 2020. Quickly I realized it wasn’t something I could be concise about and that maybe a blog post would be better. I want to say that these are purely my reflections on the past year. The whole point of this is to point out that your experiences are not necessarily mine, and vice versa.
reflections on 2020
It happens every year around mid-December. People start saying a big BYE to whatever year it is and proclaiming their love for the year to come. Posts along that theme tend to continue for about a month. As if the numeral of the year has anything to do with how terrible or amazing it is.
This year was different though. I definitely saw those posts, but I also saw many more positive ones.
“it was a hard year–but…”
So many people saying something along the lines of, “It was a hard year–BUT…“
“…we enjoyed so much more family time!”
“…I learned I could do hard things.”
“…we were able to slow down more and appreciate the little things.”
Well, that’s just great. Really, I’m glad that you had some positive things come out of your experiences of 2020. Not to mention all the politics surrounding the pandemic (which admittedly were worse for some people than others, like Californians). However, please don’t expect us all to be in the same boat. Everyone has different life experiences. Just because the year held a silver lining for you doesn’t mean it held a silver lining for everyone.
let’s dive into some of these popular 2020 claims, shall we?
“…we enjoyed more family time!”
What you have to keep in mind is just because you or your spouse were able to work from home and spend more quality time as a family, many people had a vastly different experience. There were plenty of elderly people that went without visiting children or grandchildren for nearly a year. Or look at essential workers, for instance. Many essential healthcare workers had to work in high-risk situations, often working extra shifts and without sufficient PPE. They arrived home exhausted if they got to go home at all. Some were so afraid of passing the virus to family they opted to stay away from them for extended periods.
Then there were people like my family. We were immensely blessed that my parents moved in with us shortly before the Shelter-in-Place orders took effect here in California. The timing was fortuitous so we could “quarantine” together. Then we realized Mike would have to close down his office for a time at the recommendation of the ADA while the dental profession worked through how to provide care safely. I thought this would mean more time together, which I was excited about with a new baby arriving any day.
Oh March 2020 Justine, you were so naïve.
Mike ended up being gone almost as much as he was before. Seeing “emergency” and urgent care patients to put out fires while not really bringing in any revenue for the office. Plus, he was still finishing up his office remodel. Since he was determined to have it done by the time he was able to open back up he often stayed late. When he was home he was sequestered in our home office attempting to wade through the constantly changing recommendations from the CDC, OSHA, and CDPH and local departments of health. Then he was trying to secure the right PPE to protect employees and make alterations to the practice to be inline with the new guidelines.
Once his office did reopen he had to expand operating hours. This was because he now saw less patients in the same amount of time he did before. Almost all of the days we had scheduled off for family activities had to be canceled for the rest of the year as he tried to get everyone in. But at least the Governor deemed his profession “essential” and he still had a business to return to.
“…I learned I could do hard things.”
Yeah… I’ve given birth six times without an epidural. I didn’t need the events of 2020 to teach me I could do hard things. I feel like that’s all I need to say to that. But I’m glad that you see 2020 as the hardest year of your life so far. Pioneers crossed the plains in covered wagons and buried loved ones on the trail. But you know, we all have our struggles.
What about our kids? Depression and anxiety is on the rise with young children–you don’t think there’s a correlation between that and COVID taking over our lives? I’ve seen a quote floating around that says something like–“Quit saying kids are resilient. If that were true we wouldn’t have a generation of adults dealing with past trauma.” Stop trying to make our kids grow up before they need to. They don’t need to learn they can do those types of “hard things” just yet.
One thing that was hard for many parents was the school and childcare situation. I recognize that our family had an advantage here. While a lot of the nation struggled with teaching their kids at home we were already familiar with homeschool. Don’t get me wrong–virtual learning and homeschool are nothing like each other and we struggled too. But I was already used to be home with my little ones and never getting a “break” or “me time”.
“…we were able to slow down more and appreciate the little things.”
An attitude of gratitude is a great thing to have. So I’m glad that some of you felt more appreciation for the little things in life. Really though, who are these people who had more time in 2020? My only conclusion is that they must not have any children, otherwise I don’t know how those two things compute. Somehow even with onsite classes canceled, sports postponed, and trips being pushed off indefinitely we found ourselves more rushed and busy.
I think it had to do with getting thrown out of our routine so egregiously. I need routine, I need consistency. With a household of eight chaos reigns if schedules are thrown out the window. Not to mention all of our normal homeschool spots were suddenly closed so I found myself scrambling to entertain many small children all at once. We also had to fight crowds at some of our favorite outdoor spots and trails… what was the point of all this again? Oh yeah, social distancing.
other frustrations with the past year
want some personal freedoms? no thanks, I’ve had enough.
Was anyone else extremely frustrated by all the freedoms that got trampled in 2020? It’s like we all just collectively handed them over and said, “Here you go! I didn’t really want them anyway!” Again, some of you might have zero idea what I’m talking about. But I live in California where I did not step into my house of worship for almost a year. Other businesses were allowed to open. But churches? SCHOOLS?! Apparently not all that essential. Let that sink in.
Liberty once lost is lost forever. When the People once surrender their share in the Legislature, and their Right of defending the Limitations upon the Government, and of resisting every Encroachment upon them, they can never regain it.
John Adams
if you’re virtuous and you know it clap your hands
The virtue signaling of 2020 was at an all time high and it seems to have continued into this year too. The whole “I wear my mask because I care about others” rhetoric is so ridiculous and overplayed I can’t even stand it. Let me be clear–I am not anti-mask. I am anti-mandate. Here in California we are almost a year into a mask mandate and I’m sick of it. I send my kids to school and they stand out on the playground 6 feet apart in their masks looking like they’re being programmed. I go to church (finally) and I see everyone in their masks and not allowed to sing the hymns and I’m furious.
Now the virtue signaling has extended to the vaccine–“we all need to get the vaccine so we can get back to normal”. Um, no. You are more than welcome to get any medical treatment you desire. You don’t get to tell me and my family what shots we should be getting. Life just needs to get back to normal because we live in a world of risks. You can accept that and live your life–or don’t, and live in a plastic bubble of safety. I choose life.
I gave birth during a pandemic and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
I’m pretty sure this is the biggest thing for me–I feel robbed. This was my last baby, and her siblings didn’t get to meet her in the hospital. This was my last baby and I didn’t get to show her off (come on, you all know you do it with your babies too). There were lots of things that 2020 stole from our family, but this is something I can’t get back. And coming up on her first birthday I’m still a little bitter about it.
parting thoughts
All that being said… I fully admit that these are first world problems. 2.69 million people have died with COVID (I won’t say from COVID because the data isn’t entirely known or accurate with the distinction between dying with COVID and dying from COVID, because yes, there is a difference). Each year, 1.35 million people are killed in vehicle deaths worldwide. Death is always sad. But life needs to be lived. That’s the whole point of being here on this earth. I’m not going to give up driving and stay locked in my house because I’m afraid I’ll die in a car crash.
My point in all of this, the reason why I even felt the need to sit down and type out over 1700 words, was to let you know something. If you’re feeling frustrated by the past year, you’re not alone. If you’re feeling angry about the past year, you’re not alone. Just because there are bigger issues out there your feelings are still valid. Just because your problems are very “first world”, they still matter. You matter. Your life matters. Go and live it!
6 Responses to reflections on 2020–don’t tell me to see the silver linings
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the craziness of the past year. If I see that meme that says “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people.” ONE.MORE.TIME, I swear I might lose it. OF COURSE I care about the people who did or could get sick with Covid, what a stupid sentiment. But does caring mean I lock us all up in our house 24/7 and put our lives on hold? I care by sanitizing my hands, staying away from people, wearing a mask. But I don’t need any holier-than-thou person trying to preach to me about how I SHOULD care. Also, I can relate to your sadness about having the baby and your older kids not getting to see her – the same thing happened to us, because of the Flu, in 2018. Kids 13 and under weren’t allowed in the hospital due to what was apparently a bad flu season. I’m just sharing that to illustrate that crap happens all the time, to all of us, and no one is immune to it. So we shouldn’t walk around with judgment in our hearts because we truly don’t know anyone else’s situation. Let’s all do what’s best for US, and not pretend to know what’s best for anyone else.
Oh, I love your input here Jenna. You’re right, I had forgotten about that flu season! We had a baby that year too and were really fortunate that our hospital was letting siblings in still but I remember having lots of friends that weren’t so lucky! And oh my gosh, that MEME. I somehow forgot about that meme until right now and it makes me SO mad! And you’re absolutely right, stuff happens ALL the time. Let’s take responsibility for ourselves and our household and not assume we know what’s right for everyone–like you said. I accept that we live in a world of risks and I CHOOSE to live my life. Others are free to CHOOSE differently if they decide that’s what’s right for them.
I love this, thank you for sharing! So many of us are so fed up with these things, but are afraid to say so because saying “I’m tired of wearing a mask and not seeing my friends and neighbors and family” apparently started making us selfish in the last 12 months. I gave birth during the pandemic too, and ALL of my expectations were CRUSHED. This was my first baby and I feel robbed of a lot of experiences. Every picture I have of me and my baby going somewhere for the first time, I’m wearing a mask covering most of my face. Now my baby is at an age where she’s starting to learn the foundations of language, and a huge part of that is watching people’s mouths as they speak, but she can’t do that because everyone is wearing a mask. And whoever says kids will be fine and not have long-term effects from these things is kidding themselves. It makes me angry that my sweet baby’s development is being affected by something that could change but isn’t changing. Anyway, thank you thank you thank you for helping me feel less alone in my experience of the past year.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment! It’s definitely hard for little ones and I think about their development all the time. And I’m SO tired of seeing friends and family different places and seeing their photos with masks covering their faces! Once in a lifetime experiences in some cases and they have a mask covering their face. Le sigh.
I agree with so much of what you said. I found out I was pregnant and had one doctor’s appointment before “the world shut down”. This was the strangest pregnancy with very few appointments and so many ultrasounds because I feel like they honestly had no idea what they were doing. I’m just glad it was baby #3. I feel bad for any first-time moms it would have been so much more stressful and the first-time dads wouldn’t get to be involved in very much. I gave birth last fall and even though things had calmed down a little it was still hard not having my kids come to the hospital, especially because I was in the hospital for 3 days. While I can see a lot of good things that came from last year for our family. That doesn’t mean it was all sunshine and roses. I think it’s so important to acknowledge both.
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