I was driving in the car the other day and I was randomly struck with the thought–“Wow, motherhood is really kicking the crap out of me lately.” I was thinking about everything that I had done that day–or rather, everything that I hadn’t done that day. I was feeling a bit like a failure, to be honest. Can any of you relate? But then, almost just as quickly something came to my mind–“Sometimes you kick the crap out of motherhood and sometimes it kicks the crap out of you”. Eloquent, I know, but it holds true. There are days where I feel on top of the world, a bit like the mom version of Superman. Then there are other days where I wonder what I did all day to make me so darn tired. If you’ve ever heard of the mental load of motherhood, then maybe you can relate.

“how do you do it all?”

If you have at least one child you’ve probably been asked this question. And you’re probably like me and kind of laugh it off with a “Oh, I don’t!” And yet here we are in 2021 and there is still the perception that some people do it all. We seem to think that there are some illusive individuals who have mastered “doing it all”.

the illusion of balance

I heard something at a blogging conference awhile ago about balance. How it isn’t achieved on a daily basis. “Balance” is actually something that you can reach when you factor in each week, each month, slowly adding all the sum of the parts over time. Similarly, David A Bednar said the following in regards to achieving balance:

| Read “How To Stop Being Busy RIGHT NOW |

“I have what perhaps many would think is a very unusual answer, and that is ‘Quit worrying about it because there’s no such thing as balance. It doesn’t exist.’ We can only do one thing in a given moment. So in the moment that I’m attending to my family, I’m neglecting church and employment and maybe even myself. When I’m exercising, I’m neglecting some things. And we can drive ourselves crazy if in every moment we’re worried about all the things that we’re not doing. We never get anything done then that really matters. So if I’m at home, I need to be at home. If you’re serving in church, then be engaged in service.”

David A. Bednar

the mental load of motherhood

You’ve heard of the mental load of motherhood, right? It’s the concept that there is a lot of “invisible labor” that goes into running a household and often that falls on the mother’s shoulders. Now, don’t get me wrong, my husband does a lot and this is in no way a husband-bashing article. And there is plenty that I should probably do that I rely on him for (hello, budgeting). But men and women are just wired differently and for whatever reason he can fall blissfully asleep at night as soon as his head hits the pillow. Meanwhile, I’m laying there thinking about everything that happened that day, didn’t happen that day, and needs to happen the next day (or week, or even month sometimes).

The hard thing about the weight of the mental load is that it’s not tangible. If you tell someone that you cleaned the bathrooms, did four loads of laundry, washed the floors, weeded the garden, and went grocery shopping then we can all understand how much work that is. It’s time consuming and tiring to do all the physical labor. But if you tell someone that you scheduled doctor’s appointments, meal planned for the month, troubleshooted the faulty printer, picked up the kids from school and then dropped them at gymnastics it’s a little more like–“okay…?”. The essential tasks of running a household and running a family are often seen as somehow “less important”.

when in doubt, rest

So what can be done about the mental load of motherhood? There are so many articles out there with tips and tricks on what to do. Delegate, set boundaries, take time for yourself, etc. But I think the most important and helpful thing you can do when you’re feeling overwhelmed is to turn to Jesus Christ and rest.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart’: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30, KJV

Please, don’t buy into the lie that everyone else has it together. Being able to balance everything in our lives in the moment is a falsehood. Social media and and perception of Pinterest-perfection makes it seem like we’re the only ones who struggle. However, that is exactly what Satan wants you to think. That you are alone. That you are worthless. Neither of those things are true. Pray, rest, ask for help. No one is truly dealing with the mental load of motherhood alone.

Have you ever asked or been asked the question “How do you do it all?”

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