As parents we worry about bumps and bruises. We fret over what we’re teaching our children and what we’re not teaching them. Oftentimes we obsess over every tangible concern. So, what happens when we feel like we take every possible precaution and our children are still attacked? Not physically, per se, but over our Wi-Fi connection? Today I’m sharing a personal story of mine, as well as a personal story from a friend of mine. But it really isn’t just our story, it’s a story that involves a lot of innocent people, including children. Today’s blog post is all about keeping kids safe online.

our story

april 2018

I was thankful I had to approve comments on my blog before they would post. So thankful because what I was reading in my comment folder was disgusting. I had gotten plenty of spam and phishing comments before but this one was different. It was not a general comment full of sexual innuendos, but a very specific comment about a recent Instagram post that contained a very innocent picture of one of my daughters. My infant daughter. My world was shattered.

For several months I had heard from a handful of other mom bloggers in my Facebook support groups. Mom bloggers that had received elicit comments directed at one or more of their children. Most of them had a commonality of the blog comment not being about a blog post, but about an Instagram post of theirs. Stranger still, all the comments were being signed by the same person. I had gasped and offered support while smugly sitting behind my computer assuming that would never happen to us. We don’t share our children’s name. I never post where we are when we’re there. I don’t post school or other identifying information. I’m careful about the pictures I post–no bare bum pictures of my babies! I thought they were safe. I was wrong.

| Why We’re Not Telling You Our Baby’s Name |

what happened next

Over the course of a couple months I received a few comments so I increased my spam filter so nothing would slip through the cracks. I’d take screenshots of the comments but didn’t really know what to do and I honestly thought if I just ignored them the sicko would stop–again, I was wrong. I realized it was a big deal when a blogging friend of mine said they were pursuing legal action. This isn’t just someone messing around who has too much time on their sick hands.

I contacted the authorities and sent along the saved comments. I’m embarrassed to say that I tried to forget about it after that. I just wanted to move on with my life. When the FBI eventually called me about the court case and to ask for a victim’s statement I meant to do it… but we all deal with trauma in different ways. I think my desire to forget about it and move on kept pushing it further and further down my to-do list–when it should have been in the number one spot. The court case came and went and I realized I had missed my chance to help bring a disgusting criminal to justice. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so ashamed in my life.

Q&A with Desiree about keeping kids safe online

I met Desiree when she was living in southern California. Desiree is so full of life and has a feisty spirit that served her well when fighting for this case. I am so glad that my friend Desiree has agreed to share some of what she went through with us. I’m thankful for the women like Desiree who have stood up and fought for justice. Here are her thoughts about keeping kids safe online.

Can you briefly tell us what you went through?

| Read the msn news article here |

Do you feel like you had a false sense of security before?

Absolutely. I never said where we lived explicitly, I never named my kids schools, or teachers, I posted about trips and experiences after they had taken place. But it didn’t matter. Someone out there was following along and trying to exploit my daughter. My location didn’t matter. My carefully thought out posts didn’t matter. 

Desiree Macke

Looking back, what would you change? What has been your biggest takeaway?

If I could go back, I would never have put our last name in the title of my blog. I wouldn’t have used my kids first names in any posts. I would have tried to avoid posting their faces as much as possible.

No matter how safe I thought I was being (or the fact that my husband worked in law enforcement, which provided a false sense of security) anyone who has a social media presence can fall victim to internet predators. 

Desiree Macke

What would you advise other parents to do if this happens to them?

Save every single comment. Find the IP addresses. Gather as much information as possible, and take it to law enforcement. If one person won’t listen, go to the next, and the next, until action is taken. 

Desiree Macke

in conclusion

I do think there are some things I “did right” over the years. Not sharing our kids names being a big one. Although I have found that people like this can strike and hit at any target they choose. In keeping kids safe online there’s no fool-proof formula.

It’s not easy for me to share our family’s story. As a mother I always want to be a good example to my children. I want to do what’s right and fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. Yet I’ve found, in this case at least, that I crumpled like paper instead of standing firm. However, I share this in the hopes that it can somehow help someone else. And maybe a little bit as a reminder to myself so that I can be stronger if there’s ever a “next time”.

Desiree Macke is a mom of two and former blogger. She currently lives in the Midwest but dreams of her past life in the California sunshine. If she’s not in her kitchen baking for her shop, Cooling Rack Confections, you can find her running trails all over her state preparing for her next race.

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What steps have you taken to help in keeping kids safe online? Do you ever wish you’d done things differently?